She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
