Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
