yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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