I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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