so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
