I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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