Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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