meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
