When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
