my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
