I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize