I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
