now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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