I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
