One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
