like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if only i could text you this smell
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
