covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
