I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
