Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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