Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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