once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
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Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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