last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
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