I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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