he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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