Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize