Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
