if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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