I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My hand turned me down
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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