i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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