I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
