Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
