we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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