Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
