escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
