it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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