I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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