have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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