once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
