Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
