oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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