You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
