Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
