Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
