If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
