so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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