38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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