I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
