I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
