capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
