My nipple is on Facebook.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
