Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
