FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
