I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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