the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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