hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
