i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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