Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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