I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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