hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
