oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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