Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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