I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
