You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How external is "for external use only"?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My vagina is officially offended.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
