im about as happy as oj after his trial
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
