okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
