i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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