Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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