I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
