I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
