I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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