addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
