After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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