you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize