so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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