I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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