Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Mom said you looked used
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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